we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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