but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
