just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
