I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
