Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
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