He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
