Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
