wrigley field is MILF paradise
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
