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Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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