butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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