I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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