He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
