she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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