pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My life is pants optional.
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