I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
