I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
