I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
