i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
