wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
