the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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