I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Are my feet made of real feet?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
