you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
