she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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