Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
