He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
