she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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