Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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