dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
