How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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