he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
