So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
They took my balls.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
