I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
