I looked at my own cervix.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I came so hard my ears popped.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
