Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
