I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
