just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
