its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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