I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
