I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
