I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
