He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
