Plan B is the new Plan A
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
