new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
