More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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