hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
