I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
