if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
