so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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