Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
