franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
