4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
