And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
