I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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