Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
