just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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