Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
