but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
