Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
