It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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