id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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