This girl is more easily done than said...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Vodka?
Forever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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