guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
