The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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