i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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