my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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