Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
